A friend of mine contacted me privately to discuss a situation she is having with feelings for her ex-husband. Her story is exactly the same as mine and she has forgiven him for his addiction and still loves him. He has been doing fabulous for SEVEN years and neither one of them have truly moved on. She is not exactly sure they are on the same page of getting back together. They have children and went through major "stuff" during the break up. Now, both of them text and talk daily and make comments like "I am just not able to love someone like you!" or "what if we ever got back together?".
Here is her problem….everyone else! She said her children, friends and extended family will be very upset with her and she doesn't know what to do. She frolics around in the unknown every single day. I don't have specific advice for her as to whether to go back or not because I don't have to be her every day. But what I do know is, she was strong enough to make her life better back then. Not only is she amazing, strong, independent and beautiful inside and out, but her ex-husband is better too. He is stable, recovered, making fabulous money and has really shown consistency and responsibility after all these years.
Bottom line, she can't let her trash linger. Imagine if you never picked up your trash at home and you just kicked it around the room or just bought more trash bins because your other bins are full. That is what holding on to the unknown is. It makes our mental state crowded and stressful! Our family and friends need to let us figure things out for ourselves. No one has the right to make another person do something THEIR way. When one of my friends gives an opinion about my life it really just means I'm not living it THEIR way. I just smile and toss their nonsense out. Sometimes I actually say to them "When you go to bed at night do you really give a shit that I do xxxx to the point that it keeps you up at night?" They usually pipe down. As long as we are not in harm's way we have to let our loved ones "figure it out" and be there to pick up the pieces or heaven forbid see them happy!
My friend needs to revisit her ex-husband. Either she will be annoyed with him within a week and get the closure she needs to move on OR they will find love again and she will be happy. I am not seeing anything wrong with this. Find your closure, throw out your trash or turn it into a treasure just DO NOT let other people make up your rules. You have one life, live it, live for yourself and figure it out! I would love to hear your thoughts!